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We recently made the move to get a babysitter for the kids. To this point, we’d only had friends or family watch them while we were out.

This can be a tricky time for parents. You want to find someone that’s kind, yet firm. Someone that won’t spend the entire time texting their BFFFFFFs nor watch Real Housewives of Whore City. They need to be safe and reliable.

Of course, every 80’s movie taught me, as a Dad, I needed to find someone that was ugly. Because a young and beautiful babysitter would be interested in me, and I’d have to kindly turn her down or risk destroying my marriage over a tryst with a college age girl that’s wise beyond her years… but may murder my family to keep me.

Turns out, I’m too tired to notice or care. Kate Upton could be watching my kids, and all I’d want to do is knock her price down a few bucks an hour, so I can afford popcorn to go with my movie ticket. Those screenplay writers were never parents or they truly did craft a fantasy on film.

So here’s to the real babysitter fantasy: A night out, where you get to order steak, but only have to cut your own.